1. Humans must provide for a cat per capita, if per capita is not agreed on, then decapita can be arranged.
2. (i) A cat may not be hindered in the execution of its duty (see 3 (ii)).
(ii) In times of crisis, e.g. when a cat is napping, the human closest must drop all other activities and assist and/or replace the cat in the aforementioned performance of its duty.
(iii) Anyone disagreeing with (i) and (ii) is under their resident catís jurisdiction.
3. (i) A cat must have a territory, which it may or may not agree to share with humans, but itís really pointless because humans donít listen anyway.
(ii) A catís duty is territory maintenance, i.e. scent marking, rodent control, protection against trespassing cats.
4. (i) Applied posterior broom propulsion is punishable by death by electrocution.
(ii) Ballistical footware assault is punishable by death by decapitation.
(iii) Failure to serve a cat's every whim is punishable by death by hanging, drawing, drowning, shooting, stabbing, quartering, stoning and continuous falling down stairs. (This part is rather shortened from the original document to ensure that this site will not permanently land in the X-rating of all search systems).
5. Any human in disagreement with the above decrees should be horribly maimed without warning but we agree to settle to a punishment of a couple of hours in the torture chamber, undergoing horrible wrendings of the body and soul.
These rules probably won't help but it's good knowing them for whenever
you're kicked out of the house.