IQ Test

      This is an effective test to see how much your supporting staff understands you.

      Give your owner 150 starting points and do these exercises with him.

      Exercise 1:

  • Urinate on the bed of the head member of the supporting staff (hmss from here on).
  • Make sure s/he lies down.
  • Watch his/her reaction.
  • If s/he takes you by the scruff of the neck and shoves your face into the wet area, deduct 5 points.
  • If s/he throws a shoe at you, deduct 10 points. If the shoe hits you, deduct a further 10 points.
  • If s/he kicks you out of the house, nullify his/her points and start searching for another supporting staff.
  • If s/he urinates on the bed, add 50 points for a truly feline reaction but dial 911.
      Exercise 2:
  • Find an important business paper, the hmss's monthly salary will do. Note: MAKE SURE YOU STOCK UP ON WHISKAS BEFORE YOU DO THE NEXT STEP!
  • Rip it up.
  • Watch his/her reaction.
  • If s/he starts saying words not normally found in a Cat-Human dictionary, deduct 1 point per word.
  • If s/he starts throwing various objects which weigh less than 0.5kg each, deduct 5 points per object. For every hit, deduct 10 points.
  • If s/he starts throwing objects weighing 0.5kg-2kg, deduct 20 points per object. For every hit deduct 40 points.
  • If s/he starts throwing objects weighing 2kg-up, nullify his/her points and don't hang around.
      Exercise 3:
  • Locate your hmss's Thanksgiving turkey.
  • Eat it.
  • Watch his/her reaction.
  • If s/he starts beating you up with a rolled up magazine, deduct 10 points per strike.
  • If s/he starts kicking you, deduct 20 points per strike.
  • If s/he eats it, add 25 points but call the doctor to ascertain that your hmss has had his/her annual shots.
      Exercise 4:
  • Make sure your hmss is under heavy stress.
  • Bite him/her lovingly on the nose when s/he is looking forward to a nice long three-and-a-half hour rest after a tough day at work.
  • Watch his/her reaction. Note: Do not wait for her/him to actually perform any action.
  • If s/he reaches for a broom, deduct 25 points and wait in a secure place till s/he cools down.
  • If s/he picks up a heavy vase, deduct 50 points and leave.
  • If s/he takes out an air rifle, nullify his/her points and RUN LIKE HELL!
Result Comment
150-up Your hmss is a cat maniac.
140-150 You have the perfect supporting staff.
120-140 With a few drawbacks you are well off.
80-120 Average.
40-80 You are taking a risk by staying.
10-40 Leave immediately.
0-10 Don't bother to pack.

Developed and copyrighted© by the Federal Feline Kamikaze School. Note: we are not responsible for any injury brought on by this test.

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