Cat Tales

      The Kitten Named 'Woof'
                                                                    by G. Oster

      Once, there lived a kitten named Woof. He was tabby (like the owner of this site). When the neighborhood’s resident black cat heard about this he said, “I wouldn’t advise a kitten with such a name to go outside, only trouble awaits him there!”
      Woof heard this and thinking ‘I am awaited!’ he descended into the yard. But there was no Trouble in the yard, only a brown puppy with a white spot on his nose, who galloped wildly around and yelled, “Woof! Woof! Woof!”
      “Are you calling me?” asked the kitten.
      “No, I’m just barking. Woof!”
      “But that’s my name, Woof.”
      “Convenient! All I have to do is bark and you’re here.”
      “I’m here.” Woof confirmed.
      “What’s my name?” the puppy asked.
      “Your name? Don’t you know?”
      “Of course I know, but I forgot,” sighed the puppy.
      “Totally forgot?”
      “No, I remember the details, I just don’t know the name.”
      “Oh, that happens. It’s because no one’s called you for a long time. Let someone call you and you’ll remember.” 
      “Let,” agreed the puppy, “Who’ll call me?
      “I know,” said Woof. “Let’s go”.
      Woof took his friend to the neighborhood resident black cat, who was very busy. He was sitting next to a mouse-hole, waiting for the mice.
      “Good morning!” yelled the kitten and the puppy in unison.
      “Shush!” whispered the black cat.
      “You think he’ll call me?” doubted the puppy.
      “Of course he will!” promised the kitten.
      “Be quiet!” hissed the black cat.
      “What’s he doing?” asked the puppy loudly.
      “Him? He’s playing cat-hunt,” answered Woof ever louder.
      “Who is he then, a hunter or a victim?”
      “A hunter, I guess.” Woof regarded the black cat doubtfully. “He doesn’t look much like a hunter, though.”
      “He’s a victim then.”
      “What?!” the black cat yelled turning to them. “I’m a hunter!”
      “Then those guys are the victims?” The kitten pointed at the escaping mice.
      “Who called you here anyway?” fumed the black cat.
      “No one. That’s what we would like actually: to get called!”
      “Get out of here, now!!!” And the black cat chased after them. In the end they hid behind a kennel.
      “Don’t worry”, said Woof. “This dog’ll call you.”
      “Aha, guests have arrived…” Grumbled the dog.
      “Are we guests?”
      “Yes, and there are two kinds of guests, those with invitations and those without.”
      “We’re without”.
      “Don’t you understand hints?”
      “What’s a hint?” Whispered the puppy to Woof.
      “I don’t know, but let’s say we understand them or he’ll get mad.” Answered Woof.
      “Now, I’m gonna hint. There are also unwanted guests. Do you understand?”
      “Yes, yes!”
      “Sometimes you have to kick out unwanted guests’. Get the hint?”
      “Yes, a very beautiful hint!” chorused the puppy and the kitten.
      “Jeez. Okay. My last hint. You are unwanted guests. All clear?”
      “Yes, all clear, you make very good hints.” Said Woof.
      “Who are you anyway?” The dog turned on him.
      “Woof,” answered Woof.
      “So now you’re going to tease me?” Roared the dog. “Get out!”
      The friends scrambled to run away.
      “I had such a good name, so sharp and pointy.”
      Suddenly a child bounded full speed past, he slipped, crying, “Spike! Spike! I got spiked!”
      “That’s my name: Spike!” Yelled the puppy joyfully. “At last!”
      The child stood up at last, “Stupid spike. It got me right on the toe.”
      The puppy was offended, “Stupid is it?”
      And turning up his nose Spike marched off followed by Woof.

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