The Kitten Named 'Woof'
by G. Oster
Once, there lived
a kitten named Woof. He was tabby (like the owner of this site). When the
neighborhood’s resident black cat heard about this he said, “I wouldn’t
advise a kitten with such a name to go outside, only trouble awaits him
Woof heard this and thinking ‘I am awaited!’ he descended into the yard.
But there was no Trouble in the yard, only a brown puppy with a white spot
on his nose, who galloped wildly around and yelled, “Woof! Woof! Woof!”
“Are you calling me?” asked the kitten.
“No, I’m just barking. Woof!”
“But that’s my name, Woof.”
“Convenient! All I have to do is bark
and you’re here.”
“I’m here.” Woof confirmed.
“What’s my name?” the puppy asked.
“Your name? Don’t you know?”
“Of course I know, but I forgot,” sighed
“No, I remember the details, I just
don’t know the name.”
“Oh, that happens. It’s because no one’s
called you for a long time. Let someone call you and you’ll remember.”
“Let,” agreed the puppy, “Who’ll call
“I know,” said Woof. “Let’s go”.
Woof took his friend to the neighborhood
resident black cat, who was very busy. He was sitting next to a mouse-hole,
waiting for the mice.
“Good morning!” yelled the kitten and
the puppy in unison.
“Shush!” whispered the black cat.
“You think he’ll call me?” doubted the
“Of course he will!” promised the kitten.
“Be quiet!” hissed the black cat.
“What’s he doing?” asked the puppy loudly.
“Him? He’s playing cat-hunt,” answered
Woof ever louder.
“Who is he then, a hunter or a victim?”
“A hunter, I guess.” Woof regarded the
black cat doubtfully. “He doesn’t look much like a hunter, though.”
“He’s a victim then.”
“What?!” the black cat yelled turning
to them. “I’m a hunter!”
“Then those guys are the victims?” The
kitten pointed at the escaping mice.
“Who called you here anyway?” fumed
the black cat.
“No one. That’s what we would like actually:
to get called!”
“Get out of here, now!!!” And the black
cat chased after them. In the end they hid behind a kennel.
“Don’t worry”, said Woof. “This dog’ll
“Aha, guests have arrived…” Grumbled
“Are we guests?”
“Yes, and there are two kinds of guests,
those with invitations and those without.”
“Don’t you understand hints?”
“What’s a hint?” Whispered the puppy
“I don’t know, but let’s say we understand
them or he’ll get mad.” Answered Woof.
“Now, I’m gonna hint. There are also
unwanted guests. Do you understand?”
“Sometimes you have to kick out unwanted
guests’. Get the hint?”
“Yes, a very beautiful hint!” chorused
the puppy and the kitten.
“Jeez. Okay. My last hint. You are unwanted
guests. All clear?”
“Yes, all clear, you make very good
hints.” Said Woof.
“Who are you anyway?” The dog turned
“Woof,” answered Woof.
“So now you’re going to tease me?” Roared
the dog. “Get out!”
The friends scrambled to run away.
“I had such a good name, so sharp and
Suddenly a child bounded full speed
past, he slipped, crying, “Spike! Spike! I got spiked!”
“That’s my name: Spike!” Yelled the
puppy joyfully. “At last!”
The child stood up at last, “Stupid
spike. It got me right on the toe.”
The puppy was offended, “Stupid is it?”
And turning up his nose Spike marched
off followed by Woof.
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